Betrayal, Safety, and the Slow Work of Trust

Betrayal trauma begins in relationships where safety should be guaranteed. It happens when the very people or systems we depend on for protection - partners, parents, institutions - become the source of harm. What makes betrayal trauma distinct from other forms of trauma is not only the event itself but the violation of trust and dependency woven through it. Survivors must often suppress awareness of the betrayal in order to survive within the relationship or system that caused it.

Jennifer Freyd’s Betrayal Trauma Theory (1996) describes this as a coping strategy of blindness: when safety and belonging rely on the perpetrator, the mind dampens awareness to preserve connection. Over time, this protective “forgetting” or numbing can give rise to dissociation, shame, and fragmented memory. Research by Freyd, Smith, and later Platt has shown that betrayal is more closely tied to the avoidance and numbing clusters of PTSD symptoms, whereas fear-based trauma—such as accidents or assaults by strangers—tends to produce re-experiencing and hyperarousal.

The same psychological mechanisms appear in institutional betrayal, where powerful systems such as schools, workplaces, or religious organizations fail to protect or actively harm those dependent on them. The betrayal of an institution can mirror the betrayal of a caregiver or partner: trust is broken in a context where dependency and vulnerability were unavoidable. Survivors may find themselves doubting their own perceptions, rationalizing mistreatment, or remaining silent to preserve belonging.

Within adult relationships, these patterns often re-emerge as attachment trauma. Survivors of betrayal may appear composed and high-functioning—the “apparently normal part” described in structural dissociation theory—while another part holds the raw, emotional memory of the trauma. Love, safety, and fear become tangled. Intimacy can feel both deeply desired and profoundly unsafe.

Therapy, at its best, becomes the laboratory where safety is rebuilt. The therapeutic relationship itself offers a living model of trustworthy connection. As Lori Kann (2006) suggested, love and care must become central themes in treating survivors of betrayal trauma. Therapy provides a space where clients can explore what it means to experience safety, dependence, and autonomy without losing themselves.

EMDR therapy (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing) can be particularly supportive for survivors of betrayal trauma because it works with both the cognitive and embodied aspects of traumatic memory. Through bilateral stimulation, clients can access traumatic material without becoming overwhelmed, allowing the emotional memory to be reprocessed and integrated with present awareness. EMDR’s adaptive information processing model recognizes that trauma fragments experience; in betrayal trauma, those fragments often carry shame and confusion rather than fear alone. Reprocessing helps bridge the gap between the “functioning” self and the “feeling” self, making space for a new, coherent narrative.

Healing from betrayal - whether interpersonal or institutional - is not about forgetting what happened but restoring the capacity to trust wisely. It is about learning that safety and love can coexist, that awareness need not threaten belonging, and that the self no longer has to be divided to stay alive.

Further Reading on Betrayal, Attachment, and Healing

Courtois, C. A., & Ford, J. D. (2009). Treating Complex Traumatic Stress Disorders: An Evidence-Based Guide.A foundational text exploring how chronic and relational trauma shape complex PTSD — and how clinicians can support recovery with safety, attachment repair, and integration.

Freyd, J. J. (1996). Betrayal Trauma: The Logic of Forgetting Childhood Abuse.The groundbreaking theory that explains why survivors may unconsciously “forget” or minimize abuse by those they depend on — a survival mechanism that protects attachment but deepens later suffering.

Freyd, J. J., & Birrell, P. J. (2013). Blind to Betrayal: Why We Fool Ourselves We Aren’t Being Fooled.A readable, research-based exploration of betrayal blindness — how individuals and institutions hide painful truths to maintain connection, status, or stability.

Freyd, J. J., DePrince, A. P., & Zurbriggen, E. L. (2001). “Self-Reported Memory for Abuse Depends on Victim–Perpetrator Relationship.” Journal of Trauma & Dissociation, 2(3).Empirical support for betrayal trauma theory, showing that the closeness of a relationship with the perpetrator influences memory and awareness of abuse.

Kann, L. (2006). “The Understanding and Treatment of Patriarchal Trauma as a Traumatic Experience of Love.” Journal of Trauma Practice, 5(3).A feminist perspective on how patriarchal systems distort the experience of love and attachment — and how therapy can help survivors relearn love as safety, not control.

Platt, M. G., & Freyd, J. J. (2015). “Betray My Trust, Shame on Me: Shame, Dissociation, Fear, and Betrayal Trauma.” Psychological Trauma, 7(4).Examines how high-betrayal trauma survivors experience more shame and dissociation, while low-betrayal trauma is more tied to fear — deepening our understanding of trauma symptom profiles.

Polusny, M. A., Dickinson, K. A., Murdoch, M., & Thuras, P. (2008). “The Role of Posttraumatic Stress Disorder and Institutional Betrayal in the Development of Depression and Anxiety in Veterans.” Journal of Traumatic Stress, 21(3).Shows how betrayal by trusted institutions compounds trauma-related distress, highlighting the need for systemic accountability and trauma-informed policy.

Smith, C. P., & Freyd, J. J. (2014). “Institutional Betrayal.” American Psychologist, 69(6).Defines and explores how trusted institutions can betray their members, paralleling the dynamics of interpersonal betrayal and its effects on trauma recovery.

van der Kolk, B. A., Roth, S., Pelcovitz, D., Sunday, S., & Spinazzola, J. (2005). “Disorders of Extreme Stress: The Empirical Foundation of a Complex Adaptation to Trauma.” Journal of Traumatic Stress, 18(5).*Establishes the clinical understanding of complex trauma — how repeated betrayal and chronic threat shape body, memory, and emotional regulation.

Wurtele, S. K. (2012). “Preventing the Sexual Exploitation of Minors in Youth-Serving Organizations.” Children and Youth Services Review, 34(12).*A look at systemic prevention: how institutions can take accountability to avoid reproducing betrayal dynamics within their structures.