Mindful Self-Compassion in real time

Today, my manager at work informed me that I had made a mistake, and asked to schedule a meeting to review my error. I have perfectionist tendencies, and my body and brain started to react as if my life was under threat when I received my manager's message. I felt my heart beat harder, my palms sweat, and my breathe become shallow.

Making mistakes at the workplace is difficult for me. I spent my twenties working in the federal correctional system, where my value was both implicitly and explicitly questioned every time I made the wrong judgement call, or fell behind on my paperwork. While I appreciated the challenge and learning opportunities, I now carry some residual negative self-beliefs that do not always serve me.

(Photo credit : @gigglysquadmemes on instagram)

The most effective tool I have used to support myself in this area has been mindful self-compassion. Developed by Dr. Kristen Neff, mindful self-compassion is a simple and effective blueprint for how to care for yourself in times of distress. Inspired by Buddhist wisdom, the consistent practice of mindful self-compassion has been empirically found to reduce symptoms of anxiety and depression, and to improve emotional regulation and cognitive resiliency within diverse populations.

The mindful portion relates to intentional self-awareness of both your bodily responses and your inner critic. Once you can recognize the negative talk and the sensations that contribute to a spiral similar to the one I experienced this morning, you can begin to add the self-compassion ingredients.

The first ingredient is speaking kindly and warmly to yourself. An easy way to do this is to consider what you would say if you were supporting a friend through the same situation.

The second ingredient is to acknowledge that the distress you are experiencing is just part of the human experience. Emotional struggles are shared amongst all of humanity, and are ultimately unavoidable. Feeling stress, shame, guilt, or anxiety are all just signs that you are a living human being.

Finally, the third ingredient is to NOT identify with the mistake. For example, today I failed at completing my work perfectly. I can accept that I failed, but I will not tell myself that I AM a failure.

Through intentionally practicing mindful self-compassion today, I was able to ground myself before I spiraled to the point of doing something I would regret. If you are interested in learning more about mindful self-compassion and how you could harness it's power to achieve emotional balance, feel free to reach out to me or check out Dr. Kristen Neff's website!

https://self-compassion.org/